Ifeel so peaceful as I type this post. It has been been ages, feels like months since I last wrote a personal post and though I always a write a lot of things, just pouring my feelings into words somehow brings comfort to me. I’m becoming more and more of a perfectionist I suppose, trying to post pictures on the blog that I’m 100% satisfied with. Its not that I didn’t shoot anything the last couple of weeks which I didn’t post – I just wasn’t satisfied with them. However today is different, I shot these pictures today with the determination that these images will be up on the blog. I wasn’t always like this but I guess everyday strengthens the belief in me that Blogging is what makes me feel alive and 100% of me should go into what I post.
After my return from Bali, I’ve been a bit busy with work which I’ve been posting on Instagram and Facebook and I’ve also been investing a majority of my time into creating videos and practising editing since I’m aware that a lot of you have been asking me to start videos. And I assure you, I will resume making videos again. The initial ones may not be so good but I promise I’ll try and learn and better myself at it with every passing day. Somehow learning new things makes me feel better. I feel more resourceful than I was yesterday. And I think keeping my mind busy is the only thing that gets me going. You see I suffer from Depression. I’ve spoken about it in the past though its not a big deal. I’m just extremely emotional and I feel deeply but it isn’t so bad either. It is just that when I’m upset, I sink literally and while I was feeling upset when I was editing these images a few hours ago, I can feel the negativity slipping as I type this post. You see that’s just how much blogging means to me.
I have so many things I want to write about and I’ll try to address some things I’ve been noticing from your messages. So two weeks ago I met with a car accident. It was pretty nasty I suppose. Well, two cars got their bumpers and bonnets smashed. However, none of us were injured. I was a bit shaken then and I was so scared by the incident as it was my anxiety that caused me to smash my car on another car so much that I was too scared to sit in the front seat even. TBH, I still am. It is going to take awhile for me to tackle that fear and I started watching YouTube videos on how to deal with anxiety while driving. Which was very helpful of-course, the kind of video I never imagined I would watch. And when I was talking about it on Snapchat, someone wrote to me about how she thought talking about my issues made me feel human as she felt my life and everything around me was perfect. But oh it so isn’t! I do appreciate the thought but trust me I’m just – a woman drooling over pani puri while going to the gym and having multiple cheat days with Samosas and Cheesecakes. That’s me. Anyways, what I wanted to address is, social media including the blog is just a platform to present what we want to show – I omitted all the bad looking photos and edited only the ones I really liked out of some 200 photos so you get the gist right? I want to come across as an original human being who likes dressing up, doing makeup, being creative with the content I create. I’m no celebrity and while I do hear rumours about me raising me to that status in their minds, I’m like an island – I mind my own business in my own vicinity. And being in my own world, doing what I love – without any politics, without any interference, without any gossip which makes me a happier human being. Makes me feel decent.
Talking about being an emotional fool, a lot has happened in my life that I wasn’t so comfortable sharing. I’d gone through a turmoil of emotions for the last couple of months since Sanglyan and I decided to end our relationship 7 months ago. And my vulnerability then perhaps exposed me to what is termed as Ghosting. Well I read ghosting articles and that confirmed my thought that I was indeed a victim. Ghosted upon by both men and women alike. Over the months, I guess I just cemented the belief that the only one who can prevent yourself from sinking is you. For there is no use hoping that the ones we trust the most will always be there to save us. Pisceans are emotional fools. No offense to any Pisceans reading this post but don’t you feel emotional very fast too? When someone upset me in the past, I just sulked and didn’t feel like doing anything. I just used to feel hopeless without the motivation to do anything at all. I was just brooding over spilt milk and wasting precious time. At this moment, as I type, I feel enormously proud to write that this post is a form of release for me. A therapy to get rid of the negativity in me. I was sulking a few hours ago but I suddenly feel so much better as I write to all of you, letting my thoughts reach out to you through my words. I just want to imply that whenever you’re upset, distract yourself with your hobby. Nothing could have made me feel better today than publishing this post. And my mood is soaring towards the happier side, towards the light, with every thoughts I’m putting into words. I guess we should never let anyone get the best of us, let no person be our weakness and I believe it is a blessing to be so emotional and feel so deeply for I suppose my emotions is what is making this post come into life.
Dress: Chicwish [ get here ]
Bag: Ubud Market, Bali
Necklace: Gucci [ gifted ]
I’m going to end my writing here as I need to save some thoughts for the upcoming blogposts too! I still have to blog about my Bali and US travelogue and there are so many beautiful memories that has been captured in pictures that I want to share with you! Plus loads of looks coming up for I just collected a bulk of clothes that was held with customs and I’m yet to collect some more and all that has to be blogged about right?
Until then, Stay positive and most importantly Believe in yourself!