Holding On


It’s ironic that I’m making this post now especially when I just turned a year old a couple of days back. Its hard to believe that I’m actually on the last of my twenties before I start my thirties from next year. Adjusting to a new age immediately after your birthday is quite a pain. And its even harder when some people say that I don’t seem like I’m ageing. Oh Yes but I am.

Every ticking of the clock just seems to be diminishing the 29th year of my life pushing me further and further into the thirties which, I’m dreading – to be very honest. Its like how Rachel acts in Friends when she cuts her 30th Birthday cake. I already picture myself looking miserable every birthdays knowing I’m not getting any younger. And that I need to keep working harder to achieve all I wanted to achieve in this life.

But I keep consoling myself that age is just a number. So why is it so difficult for me to not dress like an average teenager as I grow older. Is it my yearning for the youthful days I once led, or is it that my mind is violently objecting to the fact that I’ll be thirty soon?

But then I don’t feel 29 at all! I know I meticulously apply makeup which to an extent manipulates the way I look, but thinking about it, its funny how I wanted to dress like a 29 year old when I was in my early twenties with red lipstick and towering heels and clothes inspired by the eighties and how I want to dress like I’m in my early twenties now, with minimal makeup and I don’t care what I wear kind of clothes. Heck I don’t even wear lipstick most of the time lately. I’m kind of losing the loud mouth factor here and sometimes I talk to myself and ask where is the Loud mouth? Loud mouth especially when I haven’t worn a red lipstick in ages ( I named the LM in BHLM after my obsession with bold Red lipstick) and now I often find myself just wearing lip balms or neutral shade tones. Thinking of all the changes that’s come over me, I even find solace in Chillstep these days when I used to be a hardcore Metal head.

I’m wearing:

Skater Dress: Dorothy Perkins via Jabong

Converse Shoes

Sunglasses & Headscarf & Choker: Forever 21

Watch: Christian Paul Watches

Denim Pouch: Pepe Jeans






Well, these are just the unnecessary things I’ve been thinking of lately. My closet seems to be teemed with clothes I no longer want to wear, shoes I no longer want to touch, bags I no longer want to carry. My preference has been shifting from the Loud Chaotic person I once was to someone silent and quiet. And that is what I relate as the changes taking their course over me as I grow older.

Also with age, as I’m trying to get back to the moment, I feel that I’ve lost my old preference for loud prints. I’ve hardly worn bold prints in sometime and I find myself loving the cheapest of plain tees, ripped denims and the most comfortable of shoes. Earlier, good looking heels were all that mattered to me no matter how much it was killing me inside everytime I wore it but now, I just want to let go of everything. Maybe even change the style of my blog as I want my blog to mature along with me.



I feel I’m slowly shifting towards a phase where all I like are things that portray silence and calm as opposed to everything vivid and alive that I once loved. I won’t call myself someone who’s going towards minimalism all of a sudden but I have begun to realise what a profound impact it would bring on everything I’ve built so far in my life. But I can certainly write that my style is going to have a makeover as my mind is registering to the new 29 year old me. And I suppose I’ve just been holding on to the past and I need to let go.

Happy Women’s day!


Nilu Yuleena.

  • Happy birthday honey. It’s called maturity when your taste in clothes and dress sense begins to change. You begin to see life in a different light and those things that seem important don’t seem important anymore. Sweetheart enjoy it while it lasts and keep enjoying it, live a little take risks yes, this is the time, you get to affront your fears and you don’t need to make excuses for anything to anyone anymore. 🎂

  • Happy birthday, my sweetest sis! I can relate with you on turning 29, which was quite some time ago, and guess what, I didn’t feel 29 when I was 29. Now, it’s the same thing, and goodness, I’m old! But as the wise say, it doesn’t matter what your age is..some grow younger as they age. I think it has to do with your inner aliveness? I hope you know that the present moment is brimming with opportunities, so do YOU! We can learn from the past, let go and live fully now. I cannot wait to see your blog transformation as I know it it will only reflect your vision, no matter what it is! I love this fun outfit and shoot setting, I kept on scrolling over to see the pics, you look super duper cute and that choker is just gorgeous on you 😀 <3

  • Happy Women’s day Nilu… I know how you feel, I dreaded turning 30, I was almost despondent… I felt different not much later… then when I turned 40 I barely noticed and when I turned 50 I celebrated it… You do look young for your age and that is wonderful… great genes… You look adorable xox

  • I hear you, girl. And I feel exactly the same when I was in your shoes.
    But, hey. 30’s isn’t so bad. In fact, I like it better now. You’ll see.

    So stop dreading it and just enjoy the journey.

    You look gorgeous, btw.