Being Positive

by

 
I’ve been feeling super positive lately. My closest friends who know me well keep telling me what a whiny woman I am and though I believe them but I just couldn’t control it. I definitely feel blessed with so many things that has happened in my life which I never felt possible years ago, but then I was still complaining. But not so much lately. I think being dissatisfied with something in you makes one whine. In my case, I’ve always been very very conscious about myself. Like I’ve mentioned in my older posts, I feel incredibly awkward at social gatherings, I literally suck when I meet new people – I just don’t know what to say and I make a mess of myself. Which leads me to write why I never do any meet ups, I feel incredibly awkward and nervous. Anyways, I write this positive post because at this moment I’m happy. Not that anything exciting is happening in my life nor have I met someone incredibly handsome who’s swept me off my feet. Anyways I feel positive and happy because I’m slowly coming to terms with self acceptance and getting to love myself and understand myself better. I believe we have the notion that we know ourselves well but do we? I’d begun doubting myself for who I am. I thought I was a hard working woman but was I? I woke up at my own time, I sleep at my own time and the thought of doing something productive for my self betterment made me lazy. Until recently that is, after I went into depression for sometime which my Snapchat family knows too well. After I came out of it, I forced myself to join the gym and learn swimming and started tutoring myself in French via Duolingo. Truth is, the whiny me kept eating me inside, I was dissatisfied with my pigmentation, I was dissatisfied with how my body looked, I was dissatisfied with everything that was happening though, I did make all my blogposts with love. That’s the only thing I pay a lot of attention to. Creating a blogpost that I’m proud of.  
So many things happened, so many things are happening on the personal front but I decided to change myself and take the reins of my life and prevent my life from steering out of control. Starting with doing more blogposts that are personal, that reflects my personal style just like the time when I began blogging. Secondly, I have started dedicating a fixed time for going to the gym. No bunking except when I really cannot help it and that also includes cancelling plans or rescheduling them just so I could stick to my routine. Basically, I made improving myself a priority. Oh and trust me how divine it feels when your body aches from all the pushing and pulling in the gym. It was hard initially, I was lazy, I felt I wouldn’t have the time and I was always whining how I wasn’t able to do things on time. Those closest to me had to bear with me then when I was lost and confused. Especially my mother. She stayed with me for 3 months and saw what a wreck I’d become. I forgot where I kept things, I was buying things I already had, I did not know what I needed to buy for my house, groceries etc, or if my bills were paid, I forgot birthdays, I was just busy for no reason – if you get the gist of what I’m trying to write here. And in that period, I asked myself if I was doing anything more than what I did in the past? But No, things were the same. And it was at that point when I decided, I needed to discipline myself. And I’m so so sorry I threw my terrible tantrum at my mom and everyone close to me. I would never want to be so mean like that again. And I’m so Thankful that they have stuck with me through those days and are here for me. 
 
 
 
 
 
 

So what did I do differently that makes me a happier person today? I decided to eliminate negativity from my life. It is not entirely possible but its doable to an extent. I decided to dedicate time for myself and have a more systematic approach towards my work. I started with putting my phone on DND while working so that I could focus entirely on what I was doing at that moment, I decided to dedicate two hours everyday for my workout, I decided to control portions of my diet while still eating everything I want ( pizzas, beer and ice-cream included) , I decided to not involve myself in the negativity this industry sometimes brings ( fake accounts calling me names) and decided to focus on bettering myself, improving my physique, sleeping more, eating properly and improving my trade skills. That’s a long list but I make this post today because I feel I’ve been able to successfully implement all these for some months now. Which makes me realise, I’ve successfully maintained a routine which allows me to balance work and my personal life better. I still feel lazy sometimes, but I bounce back as well. And that makes me so much happier. This change allows me to focus on doing things differently. On planning concepts which I have wanted to implement, on letting my mind roam free to experiment. I feel I’ve been able to move towards conquering things that made me feel worse and I shall no longer allow to do that to myself.

If you follow me on Snapchat, you may know how I am there. You see the version of me, I wouldn’t have otherwise dared to show anyone. Because I want to promote that Self love is the best thing one can do for oneself. What you see me do on BHLM is me promoting my love for dressing up and doing makeup but doesn’t necessarily mean I ask everyone to hide behind makeup and contact lenses. Oh no! That isn’t my intention at all. What I want to promote in my platform is everything I personally love. And I think you visit this space because it is something that you love too. So we are united by a common choice. And this platform is where I share my experience with you all. For instance, one of my Snapchat friend asked me to give a review on an online website which is relatively new in India and that is what I did very recently. Her request enabled me to experiment and share the information I gathered through my experience ( on which I’ll be making a blogpost soon). Someone asked me to do a live video of my eye makeup on Instagram and I did it because it excites me! ( The same one I’m wearing here, since I shot this look after the live session) To know that I’ve been able to virtually help someone by sharing information. That is precisely why I founded BHLM. To share information on the latest collection from the stores, to review beauty products, to experiment and share the idea that some things are possible, to style items I love and give you an idea on how something could be styled if you follow me for my style, to also let you all know that I’m human, that I care, and I’m not plastic contrary to what an increase in fake accounts spamming my Instagram tells me. I acknowledge the negativity in this post because I’m well aware of it. Like everything else happening in my accounts, I read negative comments as well and I respond as politely as I can. Because that’s how I’m raised, to take full responsibility of my actions including the negativity which I may have deserved. Well I take pride in the support I’ve gained from you over the years, and I know that some of the owners of the fake accounts will read this today so know this – There is a very thin line between Love and Hate which are both extremely strong feelings. I Thank you for feeling so strongly for me. Your strong feelings motivates me to push myself further and to not disappoint everyone who has brought me to this level and together we will level up more and I will always share ideas and everything that I love and that which makes me happy through this platform I’ve created with so much passion.

I’m wearing:

Top: Zara

Midi Skirt: You can find similar ones on Chicwish

Denim Booties: Ego

Bag: Tommy Hilfiger

Necklace: F21

On my eyes: Dior Eyeshadow Palette

Lipcolor: Kat Von D ( LoveCraft)

I hope you enjoyed this personal entry and I hope I’ve been able to convince you to spend a little “me” time when you feel overwhelmed with all that’s happening in your life. It helped me and I hope it helps you too if you need it! Till then I hope you continue to enjoy the content we create with so much love.

Have an awesome day!

Love,

Nilu Yuleena.

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  • My dearest sis, I applaud you for being brave throughout the whole process of loving yourself. I’ve always viewed you as a very strong and independent woman that is full of creativity, fire and passion and I still do as somehow, I’ve been here since the dark ages, (hahaha) watching it all happening. I saw your first posts on your Lookbook and how you transform yourself over the years. Although it is through fashion we connected, I can’t help but to feel a kindred bond with you. We are all different in many ways but to see you carving a life of your own, juggling this and that, making your dreams happen – ALL OF IT was deeply inspiring and I feel very happy for you! You went into a period of low energy and here you are in the flow! I’m glad that you are okay and even more fired up! It is okay to feel like you need to unplug and get in touch with yourself. I like the way you responded to the critiques as that is just so BAWSE behavior! 😉 x

  • ELISA

    you look stunning
    Nameless Fashion Blog

  • Sushmitha S

    Do you still go to swimming classes? I had told I would join u again but couldn’t 🙁

    • So I already learnt Swimming in 2 weeks 😀 So whenever I get a chance to swim, I just do a couple of manageable laps without drowning 😀

  • Barshanika

    Well written Nilu:)

  • Jagruthi Mohandas

    You are extremely beautiful and a great soul Nilu! Loved reading this post. And glad you share such personal insights that can help other’s better their life too. Love every bit of your style. All the best for all your future work and life!

    • Thank You so much for your kind words Jagruthi and Thank you for visiting this space today <3

  • Manjusha

    B proud of wat u hv bcome dr.its a beautfl journey you have endured.i was sooo awed for the 1st time whn i saw ur blog.